Cowboy Rules

I got this email from my father-in-law. I think it makes me laugh more, because I've been learning all of these "rules" the past year.  And because the one about salt, pepper, and ketchup totally applies to him.  (My commentary in blue italics).




Cowboy rules for:

Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. It's about Wranglers around here, folks. I haven't seen gansta pants for a long while now...

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked. Haven't seen this lately either. You wear a dirty ball cap or a cowboy hat...everywhere you go, except church.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. They are not dirt roads. They are gravel roads. And everyone here has a pickup (not a truck, because a truck is another name for a semi. If you don't have a pickup, you're not a true cowboy.)

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.  Yes, they stink, but thankfully, there is more fresh air in the country, than stinky air. You only get that wiff when you're at a feed lot or something.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year. hahaha.. So true. And it probably cost more than your house too! 

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.  This one threw me off. Everyone waves. I had to get used to it. Even still, I sometimes forget. I also find myself amused and asking my husband, "Who was that? Did you know 'em?"

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. I guess I will not go hunting with the guys.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. Can we add pheasant and Rocky Mountain Oysters to this list?

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age. Love this one.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey. So true. And you will get weird looks even if you order chicken. 

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in   Cincinnati  call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch. Oh, it's true. The whole town comes out for the high school football games. They are big events. Everyone revolves around the sports programs!

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1! 
 

More about the Cat

So, I've mentioned before, that our cat, is most likely, part human. Or was human in another life and re-incarnated to be a cat in this life. (Although I wonder why she was downgraded since she's an amazing cat..)
Anyway, the husband always makes fun of me because Moley really does have conversations with you. I mean, you can't understand what she is saying, but her meow's are perfect timing. You say something, she meows. You answer, she meows.  It's quite fun.
So.. the other day, she was crying at the door. I said to my husband, "What is Moley whining about it?" He answered with a smirk, "I don't know, why don't you ask her?" hahaha. Very funny!

But the best thing is that today, while I was sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch, the husband came home. As he was walking through the door, I heard him say something, but couldn't understand him. I thought he might be bringing someone inside with him. When no one followed him, I asked him who he was talking to.  He said, "Moley."  I totally cracked up.
I just reminded him that I wasn't the only crazy one.  Loved it!

Speaking of Moley, here is her cute new litter of kittens. About 4 weeks old now. They are all a little scared but nice. Except for the black and white one that is hiding in the back. It's a mean one already. Must be male. The little thing already bit me!

The Husband is Funny

So....as I announced before, we are expecting. No, not another cow, our very own baby. Since I'm due in September, we have come upon the exciting time of pregnancy when we get to have a big ultrasound and as part, find out the gender of our next child.
I had to shop around for the best price, and when I told my husband what it would cost, it was still too much for him.  His response?

"Why don't you just call my cousin, the vet. He's got an ultrasound machine!"j

I laughed out loud. He's so clever.  It was pretty funny.  And now I'm tempted to ask his wife if they ever used it for fun.  I'd also be tempted to ask to use it if ever I wanted to make sure baby was okay in there. Ya know, just when I get paranoid cause they've been sleeping for a long time and not wiggling.

So funny or not, I think this is very good information. Hah!

Gopher Bait

So yesterday, I decided to make a trip to town.  Not the close town, but the farther away town. I never know how people here distinguish that, but for some reason, whenever you say that you are going to "town" everyone knows which town you mean. I still have yet to figure that out and how it works. That's why I had to clarify it for you, because I do not believe that it is a universal understand. I think it's just something about living here.
For example, when I told my husband that I wanted to go to town today, he said, "Oh, well if you are going to town, then can you pick up something for the farm?"  Of course, why not. It's always good to consolidate our errands, especially when they are 45 minutes away.
I asked him what he needed. He told me that they had ordered gopher bait from the supply depot. Okaaay. So I had him write down where the supply depot was.
As I'm pulling out of the driveway this is what he said to me:
"Okay, hon. So gopher bait is basically poison. Ask them to load it into your trunk so you don't have to. They should give you 100 pounds. Under any circumstances, don't puncture the bag.  And if you decide to buy groceries or anything, I wouldn't put it next to the bait. Maybe pile them in the front seat or something."

I called back, "This sounds like a great thing for a pregnant woman to be doing along with her two toddlers!"

The risks you take for love.

So I went.  I pulled into the depot, stayed in my car, and popped my truck.  They loaded it. I never saw it.  I did buy groceries and they sat right next to me in the passenger's seat and under my kids' feet.

It's been 24 hours and we are all thankfully alive.

But the gophers? They soon will be dead.

Eventful day in the land of reproduction...

So yesterday was an annoying day for our bulls.  It was "Sperm Count" day.  Here they've been all winter, minding their own business and just eating, eating, eating. Then today? They were met with electric shocks.
I guess we have to make sure that they are still fertile before we send them out with the females this summer. It's important to have a lot of calves born in the spring.  I forgot to ask if they all passed the test.  And no, I didn't provide a picture for you.

But speaking of fertility, our cat also proved to us that she remains extremely fertile. She had a littler of kittens yesterday. She had SIX. No wonder she was so fat.  Sadly, one of them died, so we have 5 now. I was a little perturbed that my husband didn't tell me until after she was done. Stinker. He knows I like to be there for births!

But the funny thing is that HE had to be there, per Moley's insistence. Apparently, she climbed into the dogs bed, and when Ladd saw blood, he grabbed a box and and old sheet. She jumped right in.  Then he left her to do her thing and she came out to the garage and started crying at him. He followed her back to the box to where she jumped back in and started birthing again.  He stayed and watched for a while. As soon as he left, there she was, back out of the box crying at him. As soon as he returned, she jumped back in and pushed out another one. What an interesting cat.  Hahaha. She wanted someone to be there with her. Of course, my mother-in-law thought this was a great story. I can see why Moley is such a great cat. People will think I'm crazy, but she really does talk to you. You ask her a question and she meows and purrs right back.  She's always talking in conversation form. It's pretty amusing. I'd love to take her to an animal psychic just to see what she's saying. hahaha.

Anyway, there's an update for you. Our animals are fertile. Well, except for Baxter. He's fixed. Which is a good thing.

The Orphan has a Mama!

Also, I just wanted to share the good news, that the orphan calf has been adopted.  Yesterday, a mama lost her baby. So that meant that we could graft this calf.  Some of you may have read my POST on it last year. In case you didn't, grafting is when they skin the hide of the dead calf, and tie it onto the orphan calf. This way, it smells like the mama's calf. When the cow smells this calf, she accepts it as her own.  So she lets it nurse. Then, once it's nursed for a while, it develops the right scent and we (we, figuratively speaking), can take the hide off. Pretty interesting, eh?
So I'm very happy this baby has a Mom now.  The tricky part is getting him to figure out how to eat. He's had a bottle shoved in his mouth so he's a bit confused. But it should work out and he should learn how to nurse.

The Orphan Calf and a Laboring Mama

So a couple of days ago, my kids were dying to go with their daddy to do chores.  That meant that if they wanted to go, that I also needed to go with so that I could supervise.  I'm glad I did.

We drove up the muddy road to the feed lot, when the husband spotted a cow that looked like she was ready to calve.

He was going to feed the orphaned baby calf, but when he saw this mama in "labor" he asked if I would feed the baby. I was so excited!

Cute little calf.

It got so excited to see us.  My husband has been the "mom" for a few days. He wasn't even scared of us.

Aw, even though he won't admit it, I think this cowboy was being so sweet to this baby.

So while the husband went up to get the birthing cow, I got to feed the baby orphan.

Pretty soon, the laboring mama cow saw us, and what do you know. She didn't want to birth in front of us, so she sucked that baby cow right back in. I'm not even kidding.

The husband going up to get her. See all the pregnant mamas? 

He brought her down and put her in her own delivery room. This is the face of a birthing woman...

Meanwhile, the dog started eating a placenta. Or at least I thought that's what it was.

Later my husband told me that was part of the prolapsed uterus from the other day. Sick.

And the kids would rather play in the mud. I mean, of course!

I tried to hide behind a fence, hoping that I could see this cow birth her calf, since she was so close. But no such luck. Apparently she still knew I was there and wanted her privacy. If only I could have made her understand that I'm a doula and I could rub her shoulders or something. I'm sure she would have been fine with that. Someday I want to see a birth. I guess they just happen too fast, when they do happen, and if they haven't happened, they won't if the cow knows you're sticking around. Pretty interesting.